This morning I woke up early, at 3 AM, after dreaming dreams that were pretty much like I’ve had many times before. But now as I stared at the ceiling in the dark, I had a new, conscious awareness that, “I have cancer!”
Marie awoke and reached over to touch my arm. “How do you feel?”
“It’s starting to hit me. I wake up this morning and sense that I have cancer, and I don’t know how to make it fit in my morning routine, my consciousness.”
Marie then talked to me in her best tender and caring ways for the next few minutes.
I told her, “I love it when you are like this with me. The look in your eyes right now reminds me of the time we were dating before we got married. This morning you are that girl I dated back then.”
I got up and came to the office to ponder and write, feeling connected to me, to Marie, and somewhat to it — the idea of having cancer. Can I embrace it, go toward it, make Zone 4 choices about it?